Ten Breaking Bad Minor Character Conclusions That Are Totally, 100% Possible

Warning: Potential Spoilers Ahead

If the most recent episode of Breaking Bad/ entire series has taught us anything, it is that none of us really know what’s coming next for any character, major or minor. Sure, Walt, Jesse, Hank, Gomie or any of Jack’s Nazi/White Power/ Allman Brothers posse will have an ending, happy or sad. But who knows if we will get an equally dramatic wrap on the multiple minor characters Breaking Bad has hatched? If Huell can have a relevancy resurgence, then there is no telling how any other character will wrap up in the study of Methomatics. Some could live very fruitful lives. Here are some possible conclusions for semi-beloved characters that may get lost in the mix:

Skyler replaces Alex Vause on Orange is the New Black



Skyler is sentenced to a year in jail as an accessory after the fact just as Alex Vause is released. Using the same adaptability that immersed Skyler in the world of money laundering, she meets Taylor Schilling’s character, Piper, and they develop a romance. That romance becomes conflicted when Skyler mixes the worlds and traffics meth into the prison, and Piper goes back to being a drug mule for another girlfriend. Fans of “Orange Is The New Black” will hive-mind stroke out trying to decide whether Piper or Skyler annoys them more: the Perfect Storm.

Bogdan Wolynetz and Donald Margolis start a cupcake business


Both out-of-work men meet in a business trends class at Central New Mexico Community College. Delving into the comfort industry, they start a cupcake shop. Finding success with a sweet corn cake muffin, they make it on to the show Cupcake Wars. They last an episode. Their business lasts a year. Their friendship lasts forever.

Skinny Pete and DJ Qualls are long lost twin brothers


DEA Officer DJ Qualls busts a relapsed Skinny Pete, and can’t help but notice the resemblance. Having wrestled with being adopted and searching for familial connections his whole life, he has his DNA tested against Skinny Pete’s. He discovers they are separated-at-birth fraternal twins who suffered from prenatal cocaine exposure. He posts Skinny Pete’s bail and together they track down their mother: Wendy.


Ted Beneke becomes Robocop


Five minutes after Skyler visits Ted in the hospital, a doctor tells him he may never walk again. Former DEA ASAC George Merkert recruits Beneke to an aggressive campaign to finally put a dent in the New Mexico drug trade, and get his legs back. Beneke becomes RoboCop. He helps the DEA clean up the streets for about four months before he decides to return to metal fabrication, where his heart really lies.

Bad investment.
Bad investment.

Brock and Holly Marry, Deal Drugs In Space


They follow in their respective parents’ footsteps and history repeats itself when Brock starts dealing space meth on the first moon colony, becoming the first interstellar druglord.

Breaking Bad is Bill Burr’s life before comedy


After Huell goes into DEA protection, Saul and Kuby escape Albuquerque. While crashing in a Super 8 motel in Phoenix, Kuby makes several sexist remarks about the maids, some racial remarks about the maids and some generally hateful remarks about the job performance of, well, the maids. They finish their escape in Los Angeles. Kuby performs at several open mics set up by his new agent Saul Goodman under the name Bill Burr.

Skyler dates Badger


Having developed an affinity for bad boys with a lovable side, Skyler starts dating online and meets Badger. Badger loses most of his friends when they stop wanting to hang out with his ball-busting new girlfriend. Their relationship lasts longer than expected, but no one cares.

Los Pollos Hermanos goes National


After Madrigal abandons Los Pollos Hermanos, the University of Phoenix graduate and former branch manager of Los Pollos Hermanos: Albuquerque, Cynthia expands their fourteen locations into the surrounding states of Colorado, Texas, Arizona and Oklahoma.


The success of their “Franch” dipping sauce attracted a buy-out from El Pollo Loco, who ironically turned it a front for cocaine distribution.

Skinny Pete becomes the first American Ninja Warrior


Skinny Pete stays with his N.A. program and gets completely clean. He finds a new high in extreme athletics, starting into gymnastics, parkour and Krav Maga. Weighing half the weight of an elementary school teacher, Skinny Pete’s clear upper body definition launches him past the Denver semi-finals to compete in Vegas. He becomes the first American competitor to clear Stage 3 of Mt. Midoriyama. He wins $500,00 and travels to Japan to compete on the real Mt. Midoriyama. He does not do well.

Walt and Jesse laugh it off


The To’hajiilee shootout turns out to be a big prank on Walt by Jesse, mimicking the actors’ real-life pranking rivalry. Walt admits Jesse got him good, they laugh it off and part ways. Everything’s good, no repercussions. They reconnect a few years later and cook do one last batch for old time’s sake. The series starts over.

Bonus: Series Finale Prediction: Breaking Bad is a PSA


After years of ineffective commercials, the D.A.R.E. council creates a five-season anti-drug campaign: Breaking Bad. The entire show promotes the idea that no matter how well-intentioned a person is, turning to drugs is a bad idea. You’ll hurt your family, you’ll fall in with the wrong types of people and your friends won’t think you’re cool anymore. Spoiler: Hell on Wheels is just about vegetable oil fuel and Low Winter Sun is just about applying sunscreen to prevent melanoma.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s