Vanity Plate BackStories #1 – ALEXUS

Spotted: Albuquerque, New Mexico

ALEXUS

Alex was an Olympic level trampolinist on track to become the best the world has ever seen. A graduate of the Olympic Trampoline Academy, he was personally mentored by Dmitri Vladimir Poliaroush. He also claims to have gotten to second base with 2012 Women’s Trampoline Gold medalist Rosannagh MacLennan. His signature move was mid-air reverse somersault, dubbed the “Front to Ass-ault”. He ordered the vanity plate after he was informally told he would be going to London in 2012 to compete for the United States.

Alas, Alex was not destined for greatness. His ego at an all-time high, Alex accepted invitations to trampoline for Fortune 500 CEO’s, cartel bosses and Japanese businessmen. He went down a dark path when he got addicted to “springing”, a drug abuse seen in the trampoline community when euphoria is achieved by burning and inhaling taut (the fabric used as the projectant in trampolines). Many trampolinists “spring” to get higher the they could ever bounce.

Alex was “springing” the night he challenged French competitor, Andre Scarrier, to a Trampolining Cage Match. These events are to the death, or until someone falls off.

These sick arenas, where Trampoline Cage Matches take place, is a casket to one of its challengers.
These sick arenas, where Trampoline Cage Matches take place, is a casket to one of its challengers.

High on taut, Alex was a mess. Timing his stomach front drop poorly against Andre’s pike jump, Alex subjected himself to one of the most damaging moves in trampolining: the double-bounce. Alex’s fibula and tibia in both ankles all but disintegrated on impact.

Alex’s trampolining career over, he was dropped by his sponsors. He tried to market his own brand of mini-trampolines, but they were ultimately unsuccessful. However, he did meet the right people through that venture that took an interest in Alex and his useless legs. Alex worked with this group to rebuild his ankles using abbreviated pogo sticks. Today, Alex is 18 months spring-free, able to get around his new home in Albuquerque with the help of his new pogo legs and can bounce once again.

Alternate theory:

It’s a chick named Alexis who gets off on convenient puns. She is thrilled when some sketchy goes down at an  art studio, ecstatic when foul play occurs at a down pillow factory and downright loses her mind when something is shady at the umbrella company. She’s the love of my life.


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